So, today being exactly 1 week after my favorite Holiday of the year....I have some news to share....I smoked my last cigarette on Nov. 4th. I have been nicotine's whore for too long and now must part ways with the Pimp known as Marlboro Menthol :(
So I have decided to document my journey of quitting here on my Halloween blog....seems
appropriate as only a few people care to peruse it.
I first tried to smoke at age 12...yep..first babysitting job...baby was down for a nap...one of the parents smoked Marlboro reds, left the pack right on the coffee table, and I tried one. Yuck!!! but boy did I feel cool!! Important...grown-up!! Like my Dad & Mom...they both smoked. Now it's hard to smoke at that age...you can't buy them only knick a few from your Dad's coat pocket or from the pack in the car.
I started seriously smoking when I was 17...I looked well over 18 and was rarely carded. Twenty perfect little presents and my Zippo.... I was always happy. Some of my human friends nagged me a little...worried I was going to develop lung cancer, etc. I ignored them...hell, I wasn't going to live to see 30 years old in the first place....why give the Coroner a healthy body to cut on....let's give him something interesting!!!
At age 22....DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) in the left leg...this amazing little clot decided to put me in the hospital for 5 days having broken off and went to my lung....all the while I'm trying to figure out how to get off the 4th floor of the hospital to "go have a smoke." Dodged that bullet!!! Still smoking...it's me and the Marlboro Man against the World!!!
At age 31...meet the man of my dreams...he doesn't mind my tattoos, my ample figure nor my cigarettes!!! Jackpot!!! We fall in love and marry...still have my Marlboro Man as well...life couldn't be any better!!
Lalalal....smoking around my hubby and kids....lalalalal...try to justify....lies....smoke, smoke, smoke....
At age 40...can't breathe...this is just a stupid cold and my menthol always helps me breathe better...not getting better.....Dr. appointment reveals pnuemonia...how can I have pnuemonia in June??? Can't breathe..throw a half a carton of coffin nails in the trash....getting better. Wow recovered without a hospital stay...out 3 weeks from work but made it back and not smoking.
But 5 months later....Mom calls...the COPD took your Grandpa..he was 89 years old...he quit too late..stopped smoking in his 60's but that wasn't soon enough. I can't take the pain....must..have my...lighter.....where is it?...drive to the gas station....My Marlboro Man!!! all dressed in white and green...flick..light...inhale....awwww...all better. Tell Hubby it's too hard to get through the funeral without just stepping out with my Mom, My Aunt, my sisters to smoke one....well then maybe just one more.....then 2 months later...back at the pack-a-day grind. :(
On November 2, 2012, Hubby takes me to visit my nephew (3 months old) and My Aunt, My Mom (both long time smokers)....Mom is really getting thin and that cough of hers not getting better. My Aunt...she has been on oxygen for some time now....told the Hubby if she doesn't quit smoking there won't be a Doctor in town that will treat her...she's gone through a few already. She's my Godmother...I love her dearly...like my Mom....they will be lucky to live as long as their Father..... On the way home is when the Hubby relays the info about my Aunt and mentions how very thin Mom is.....I think about my little nephew...he will be 20 when I'm 63 years old...will I get to see him when he's 20?? Will I be dead?
On November 4, 2012....my Grandpa's birthday I smoked my last cigarette at 10:00am....whew...can't stop crying....want to smoke, want to smoke....
Crying in the shower...crying on the way to work....feeling so alone....cry some more....come home from work... Hubby & youngest Daughter are handling me with "kid-glove"....feeling so sorry for myself.
Can't look my Hubby in the face....the thought of smoking is paramount to cheating on Him...I can't do that...but can't look at him in the eyes...he will see my desire for the Marlboro Man.
Nov. 6....no stop at the gas station...went to work...didn't bum a cig from anyone at work...proud of myself...drive home crying because I am having a bad craving....fill my mouth full of gum to make it home...whew....got through it.
Today....I start typing on my blog....wow had to get that out...good news is I think I'm getting some feeling back in my toes (just a little bit)...the pain on the right side of my chest is not there...but gawd the world stinks!!! It's almost break time....I'm panicky...but will call the Hubby...he's sexier than the Marlboro Man ya know...keep your fingers crossed, pray to the fairies that I don't reclaim my title as Nicotine Whore.
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